Whose Terms are you Living Your Life On? Are you Ready to Drop the ‘Should’?

And while you’re at it, are you ready to drop the ‘just’ and ‘sorry’ too?

Do you often find yourself thinking or saying I should do x, y or z? Or do you often or sometimes feel guilty for not doing something you ‘should have’ done.

Should and should have are, in my opinion, two of the most redundant words/phrases in the English language. If you’re weighed down by all the ‘shoulds’, is it perhaps time to let them go? It’s time to replace them with what you want to do and what you will do.

Start by asking yourself where the ‘should’ comes from. Is it an expectation that someone else is putting on you? Or is it a misguided expectation or pressure that you’re placing on yourself? Is it guilt talking?

Do you look around you, at how colleagues, friends, siblings and extended family are living, the choices they’re making? Maybe this is hugely impacting the choices that you are making and how you think you ‘should’ be living your life.

What expectation(s) are you putting on yourself that’s coming from what you think others think you should be doing?

We need to get smarter about recognising what our own driving forces are, what motivates us.

Career advice for teenagers and young adults is an interesting one and often misguided. You should study medicine because you have great grades. You should be an accountant because you’re great at maths. You should study law because three generations of your family have done so before you. Are these valid reasons by which to choose a career? What about if the area really interests you? What about your personality and the social or emotional intelligence skills needed for that career? Are they a good fit for that career?

And then later in life, through my executive coaching programs, I work with many women coming back to work after maternity leave where guilt is often a major factor. There is so much guilt for working mums, in Ireland especially.

Some feel guilty for not feeling guilty and actually relishing the thought of being back at work. They feel that they should want to stay at home with their children (but don’t), they feel that they should feel guilty about leaving their child at home, but don’t. So they feel guilty about that instead.

And then there are the many women who really do feel guilty leaving their children in the care of others. This is valid and difficult and part of the work we have to do when we are working mothers – making sense and letting go of at least some of that guilt. But that is a whole topic for another day.

And while you’re at it, are you ready to drop the ‘just’ and ‘sorry’ too?

Do you often find yourself thinking or saying I should do x, y or z? Or do you often or sometimes feel guilty for not doing something you ‘should have’ done.

Should and should have are, in my opinion, two of the most redundant words/phrases in the English language. If you’re weighed down by all the ‘shoulds’, is it perhaps time to let them go? It’s time to replace them with what you want to do and what you will do.

Start by asking yourself where the ‘should’ comes from. Is it an expectation that someone else is putting on you? Or is it a misguided expectation or pressure that you’re placing on yourself? Is it guilt talking?

Do you look around you, at how colleagues, friends, siblings and extended family are living, the choices they’re making? Maybe this is hugely impacting the choices that you are making and how you think you ‘should’ be living your life.

What expectation(s) are you putting on yourself that’s coming from what you think others think you should be doing?

We need to get smarter about recognising what our own driving forces are, what motivates us.

Career advice for teenagers and young adults is an interesting one and often misguided. You should study medicine because you have great grades. You should be an accountant because you’re great at maths. You should study law because three generations of your family have done so before you. Are these valid reasons by which to choose a career? What about if the area really interests you? What about your personality and the social or emotional intelligence skills needed for that career? Are they a good fit for that career?

And then later in life, through my executive coaching programs, I work with many women coming back to work after maternity leave where guilt is often a major factor. There is so much guilt for working mums, in Ireland especially.

Some feel guilty for not feeling guilty and actually relishing the thought of being back at work. They feel that they should want to stay at home with their children (but don’t), they feel that they should feel guilty about leaving their child at home, but don’t. So they feel guilty about that instead.

And then there are the many women who really do feel guilty leaving their children in the care of others. This is valid and difficult and part of the work we have to do when we are working mothers – making sense and letting go of at least some of that guilt. But that is a whole topic for another day.

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